and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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