I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize