Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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