there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
