the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
