ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
