she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
