i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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