I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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