At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
