I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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