guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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