im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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