Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
