someone get that fucking seahorse.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
