Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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