Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my shit smells like andre
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
