Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
