This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
