how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
