I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
