The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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