I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
