the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
