I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
