Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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