so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
