is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
