I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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