Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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