I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
