remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
