What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
