I just threw up on my dentist
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
