trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
