Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
