Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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