I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
