can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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