Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
