It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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