when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
