I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
