I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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