i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
