I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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