Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
