i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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