Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
