Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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