went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
