I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
