She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize