just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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