...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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