Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
