hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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