You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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