A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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