is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
