she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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