I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
