I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
