Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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