The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
