VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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