I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
