you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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