Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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