Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
