The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
40s are totally the cure
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
