1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
