remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
