we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
