Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
