I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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