I think i peed on brittanys purse
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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