I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
