Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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