she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
