So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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