I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
