i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
