another moral hangover. fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize