you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
