i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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