May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
