Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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