I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
