all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
