This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
