and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
