Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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