are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
