Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
