I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
