I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
