I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
