My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
