Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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