Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
