I heard we made out
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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