East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
